And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
