And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
