I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
