I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
