remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
