i think my tv is drunk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
