a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
