If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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