I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
