apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
