the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
