there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
