I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
