I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
