if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
