He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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