Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize