Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
