Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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