i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
