i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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