that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
