i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize