Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
