i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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