when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
