my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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