i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
