Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize