I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
