The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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