...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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