Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize