dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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