I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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