sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
