We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize