Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
