I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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