Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
