he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
