i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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