I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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