My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
