DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
