Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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