isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
