every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
did i just pee glitter
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
