for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
