Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize