it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
