Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
