my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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