My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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