I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
