ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize