O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
