The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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