Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
