I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
