Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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