$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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