Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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