there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
