Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
