I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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