i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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