dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
