They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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