So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
