omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
