I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
