Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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