Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
