how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Everything about him screamed your future.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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