Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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