He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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