Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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