i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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