I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
