I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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