Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
and you fell through a lawn chair
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
