It's Friday. Sex?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize