Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize