i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
