dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
