hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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