they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
