i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize