apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
