false alarm. still invincible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
