new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she peed on how many people?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
