This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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