If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
