Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
