I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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