I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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