just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
