Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
