My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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