Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
