is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
