It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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