u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
