we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
