It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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