Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
