Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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